And then there was her
by Keki186
Summary: Series of short periods. Catherine has a mission...can she reach her goal? CS
1. Out in the field

**A/N: _So here is my late Christmas present for you. I have been watching my dvd's of CSI starting with season 1 again and it got me thinking... So this is something I came up with while watching. I hope you like it. Let me know :-)._**

**_Just for the record... I owe nothing wish I did, then I didn't have to write stories :-p!_**

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Oh great there's a new girl coming to help us, I'm really looking forward for that… no I'm not! How could he think that we need anyone new! I'm outraged but it doesn't matter, because he already gave her a call and she's already on the first plane. Now I come to think of it, how desperate is this girl. She left everything behind just because Grissom gave her a call.

I'm working on the evidence in a lab far away from all the others so nobody will find me, I am in no mood to be civilized to anyone, not even Grissom and he is my boss. Just my luck, I hear the door opening but I don't bother to look up. I hope whomever was dumb enough to walk in here, is going to get the message and walk right back out.

'Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?' a voice asks. I don't recognize this voice, so this must be our new girl. _Very observant Willows, no wonder you're a CSI III._

Although she has a rather interesting voice, I don't want to be friendly at all. I'm already loathing her and there is nothing she can do about that. Without even looking up, I reply rather harshly 'She's out in the field.'

She remains silent but she's not backing down, I admire her courage. I think no one around here has the guts to stay when I'm in a bad mood. But then again why wouldn't she, she doesn't know me or my moods. I'm still not willing to look at her but something in her voice draws my attention, I can't explain it but it has awoken an interest in me. I look up at her and I am stunned by her appearance.

_Damn she's … she's … _I can't put my finger on what she is, but there is something about her that's definitely even more interesting than her voice. 'Let me guess … Sara Sidle?' it's more a statement than a question.

'I know who I am. I think you're a little confused.' She smirks. _Wow… _this girl definitely has guts, she's not backing down at all, no she's even making fun at me. I think I have to use a different tactic with her maybe then she'll get the point and leave.

'If you think you're taking my case … forget it.' I look her straight in the eye. Yes, she got it. Turn around good and don't forget to close the door! What the … she closes the door alright but she is still standing in MY lab.

'Look, we can stand here and argue ... or ... we can get out there and find out who did this to Holly Gribbs.' She narrows her eyes and smirks again. 'Two sharp women are better than one.' she definitely knows how to get her point across, I'm totally in awe no way I'm going to deny her.

For a moment I stare at her, she's mesmerizing and she's cute when she smirks. _Willows don't go there._ She holds me captive with her beautiful chocolate browns, a couple emotions flash through her eyes but she's too good at hiding her feelings. One thing is certain, her eyes tell you all you want to know about her even if she will never tell you a thing. But it's going to take time before I will be able to read her.

I lean back and grab the evidence bag on the table. 'Pager.' I tell her completely unnecessary, I take it out of the bag and place it in the pager nest. She takes some tentative steps in my direction. She leans over my shoulder to look at the computer screen, we discus the evidence but I'm not really paying attention to it. Having her this close is doing strange things to me, her smell is sweet and unique. She is smiling and I notice the adorable gap between her teeth, I am going to make sure I see that smile more often it suits her.

She tells me I can handle it without her and leaves, I say something about paging her and she smirks again. That's probably the fifth time in less then five minutes… when she's gone I let out a loud sigh and close my eyes, immediately I get images of her eyes. They hold so many emotions but I can't help but wanting to see fire and passion in them. How is this possible, I was so ready to hate her, so ready to make sure she would be on the first plane back to San Francisco, now I know that's not going to happen.

I don't even know her, but already she got under my skin. I miss her! This is crazy, I am crazy this can't be happening … but it is, all I want is to see fire in her eyes and I am going to make sure I put it there.

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**_So this is just the start... If anyone knows an episode which will give me good ideas, let me know. I'm already working on the second one, so it will be up tomorrow. Review people!_**


	2. Moment in the locker room

**A/N_: As promised here is the next one! I know it's not really a drabble because it is slightly longer than a real drabble but you get the point anyway..._**

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I pushed and pushed, I have been a complete and utter bitch but so far I haven't got a simple reaction out of her. The only thing that flickered through her eyes was slight hurt, not even enough to get me satisfied. I know this makes me sound like a bad person, but I don't care I'm proud to be a bitch as long as I don't accomplish my mission.

Well maybe today I will have more luck… I walk into the break room, everyone is already there except the subject of my mission. I sit down on the couch and ask nonchalantly 'Where's Sara?'

The guys look up at me and shrug their shoulders 'Ask Greg or Grissom, they will know.' Nick states smiling. _Okay what's that supposed to mean, did I miss something?_

'Why them?' I ask rather cold before I can stop myself. Nick and Warrick look at each other and start to smirk, then Nick turns to me again 'Well, because Greg knows her every step and Grissom is … well you know.' he states matter-of-factly.

'Know what?'

'You don't give up do you?' Warrick asks sounding a bit annoyed 'You can't tell me you haven't noticed how those two interact, whatever is going on between those two …' he trails off, the reason of this is standing in front of me now and handing me the assignments.

'Catherine could you hand these out, I have been called to a scene already, they have bugs.' Grissom smiles when he says this, looks like someone is excited to get to his scene tonight. 'Oh before I forget Sara came in early so I handed her an assignment already.'

I roll my eyes, why am I not surprised to hear that. 'Okay Griss', there are only two slips in my hand, I give them a once over and turn to the boys. 'Nick suspicious circs and Warrick a B&E, if you need a hand I will be here all night working on some paperwork.' I give them the slips and head out of the break room.

After three hours of paperwork I am beyond bored. I really hope one of the guys calls me as if on cue my pager beeps, it's Brass. I grab my cell phone and give him a call.

'You paged?'

'_Hi Catherine, 419 in Henderson. Grissom told me to page you.'_

'Yeah he's busy, bugs… see you at the scene.' With that I close my phone and head towards the locker room.

When I walk inside I see Sara's form sitting on the bench in front of her locker. My heart sinks when I see the sad look on her face, someone has a rough night. 'Hey you okay?' stupid question because she looks far from being okay.

'It's nothing, just a tough case.' Her voice is barely above a whisper and I have to listen very carefully to hear what she says, she doesn't look up, it appears she in no mood to talk about it. But then again, when is she ever ready to talk about something that's bothering her.

I must be really sick, because even now I can't think about anything else than to push her buttons, I close my locker and turn towards her 'Domestic violence or rape?'

She's confused and hurt, but also angry I can tell by the way her eyes narrow when she looks at me 'What is that supposed to mean?' she spits.

'Nothing, just every time you get a case like that, you have a hard time working them.'

Her eyes narrow even further and she stands up, I immediately back down when she advances towards me. I don't think she ever looked at me with so much anger in her eyes and for a moment there's a spark of fire in them. 'You don't know the first thing about me.' her words are almost a growl, her voice is dangerously low and menacing.

She keeps on walking towards me and I keep on backing away from her until my back connects with the locker behind me. But that doesn't stop her, she keeps getting closer.

'Since the day I met you, you are acting like a total bitch. What's your problem?' she stand so close to me, I feel her breath on my lips. I gasp, which did not go unnoticed. The proximity of her is almost killing me, I want nothing more than to run my hands over her body and feel her lips on mine, but I'm afraid she will slap me if I touch her.

The anger in her eyes only increases with every passing moment, I put up my hands in surrender and start to say something but she cuts me off by grabbing my wrists fairly forceful and pinning them above my head against the locker.

'You like this don't you, you get off on this?' her voice is laced with anger. She locks eyes with me, I can see them darkening slightly. This is what I wanted to see for months, she's looking at me with pure desire in her eyes. She watches my eyes going from hers to her lips and back up, she gasps and lowers her head even further. My eyes close on their own accord and my breathing becomes erratic. But I don't feel her lips, I almost jump when I feel her hot breath on my ear.

'I thought you would, but I will never ever let you use me.' she whispers and licks my earlobe, a low moan escapes from my throat. Her tongue trails down my neck until it reaches my pulse point, she's killing me… my heartbeat has increased to almost fatal and a warm sensation is running up and down my spine like electricity. I try to move away, but she grabs my wrists harder and presses her thigh against my now wet center to hold me in place, she looks at me and smirks. She lowers her head again and sucks on the skin on my pulse point, and bites down on it not minding she's leaving a mark there.

Then she loosens her grip on me and walks out of the locker room without looking back. I'm so turned on by her actions, I have to take a couple of breaths before I get my breathing and my heart beat under control. I walk over to the washing table and splatter cold water over my face until I'm cooled down enough. I look at myself in the mirror and notice the angry red mark on my neck, no way I can go to the scene without wearing a scarf.

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_**Thanks for reading!**_


	3. Caged

**A/N: _My stories are becoming slightly longer every time it seems... If I keep it up like that, I'm going to have to change my summary :-). So this one is based on an episode of season 2 (Caged), the next episode will be And then there were none. Not all the 'moments' are based on simply one episode, but this is..._**

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I have been called to a scene, apparently an SUV got into a fight with a train, clearly the train won. Grissom is already there, but leaves me after a couple of minutes giving me two hours to work the scene. It seems that the sheriff wants the train wreck of the tracks as soon as possible. But before Grissom leaves me he makes my day… He says I can work this scene with Sara and that's all it takes to make me smile all night long.

I love it how good we work together, it's like we share the same brain we even finish each other's sentences. Sara and I have established some kind of friendship but I still like to push her buttons whenever I get the chance, so working all night and probably also the following nights with her is definitely a bonus. I have every intention to get a reaction out of her, any reaction.

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We collected the evidence pretty quick and back at the lab we processed in with ease. We found a piece of filament but there was no glass on it, which is only possible if the headlights weren't on. So there might have been a second car that the engineer easily could have missed. We found the vic's cell phone and we take it to Archie in the AV-lab. After some altering we have evidence of a second car. I leave his lab to give Brass a call, on my way out I hear Sara say 'She definitely likes you.'

I can see the smirk on her face even though I'm with my back turned to her, she leaves Archie's lab too and follows me. I stop in my tracks and she almost collides with my back. I turn around and lock eyes with her 'So I like him…what made you think that?'.

A smirk forms on her face again 'Well I know you quite some time now... and when you like someone but you don't want this person to know that, you either ignore them or act bitchy when you're around them.' the smirk turn into a wide grin.

'Funny Sidle, you think so…' I feel a smirk forming on my own face.

'Oh I definitely know so… You used to do that to me, scratch that you still act like that with me around sometimes, but I know you like me.' she has the most shit eating grin I have ever seen on anyone.

I open my mouth a couple of times but no sound comes out, she's right and she knows it all too well. I have no other option than to stand here dumbfounded, I thought she would walk away now with that grin firmly plastered on her face but she doesn't move, she just looks at me. She steps closer to me and bring her mouth near my ear 'Cat got your tongue?' she asks in a husky voice.

She steps back and gives me one of those adorable sexy gab toothed smiles of hers, then she walks past me making sure she brushes ever so slightly against me. I walk into the locker room, I need to be alone to contemplate what happened just now. _Was she flirting with me? No she can't be, I__'m__ seeing things… it's not because I crave for her, she feels the same way about me… _With all my pondering I almost forget to call Brass, I tell him we might have a homicide on our hands, but that's all I can tell him right now.

When I finally make it out of the locker room there is only one hour left to this shift and I am in desperate need of caffeine. I walk into the break room and fix a hot cup of coffee, I savor the delicious taste. Now that I had my caffeine fix I need to find Sara, knowing her she probably found something interesting by now she's just not the type to sit around like I did.

I walk past a couple of labs until I find the layout room where Sara is working in, she is sitting at the layout table with the contents of Megan Treadwell's car. She looks up at me and tells me what Megan's day was like. Before she went home she ran an errand, she bought doggie treats at Vegas' Finest. We decide to check the place out with Brass at the start of tomorrow's shift.

'Hey Sara, you want to grab some breakfast?'

'No. Sorry, Cath.' She uses my nickname, coming from her I don't mind at all. It rolls deliciously off her tongue. Although I liked her using my nickname I feel somewhat hurt because she turned down my offer without any explanation.

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At Vegas' Finest Sara and Brass are questioning one of the workers, she's a cute young redhead and I can tell Sara is her type because she keeps making eye contact with her and she smiles more than is necessary. I am ready to slap that smile right off her face if she does it one more time, so I keep my distance. I'm pretending to look around the place. _Jealous much?!_ Until I hear Megan's name…

A worker from the coffee shop next to the pet place joins in the conversation, apparently she saw or better heard the commotion too. I eye the young women closely and notice they're standing closer to each other than necessary even if they are separated by a small fence. The dark haired one seems to be a bit jealous, her girlfriend is checking someone else out… I can't help but find the display rather amusing, all this goes unnoticed by Sara of course.

The girls' narration was quite interesting, this Mr. Croft had a temper and he had a beef with our victim, we head straight to PD and wait until he is brought in for questioning. Sara decided to check out his car while I went with Brass into the interrogation room. He was telling a lot of BS especially when it became clear the car he was using was just a rental and he got rid of his own vehicle.

Brass found out where Mr. Croft's car was and now it's in the garage. When I walk into the garage at HQ Sara is already there checking out the SUV. I join her, we walk to the front checking the headlight which is busted. I lean forward to get a better look but actually I'm doing this to get into Sara's personal space and giving her a nice view of my body in this position. I hear a small gasp, but don't say anything.

She shows me the silver paint on the front bumper, I tell her to get some scrapings while I stand up and walk behind her. I let my hand brush over her back and feel her shiver. I check the inside of the car and find coffee and a lid of a cup with lipstick on, now we get a pretty good idea of what happened. We start to retell what happened and it looks as if we're one again. _Great minds…_

'I call Brass, tell him to make an arrest.' Sara states when we're done recounting what happened.

'Good, so… since our work is done. You want to eat something or have a drink?' I ask her hesitantly.

'Yeah I want to eat something but… not with you.' She must have seen the hurt and anger flash through my eyes because she quickly adds 'One day maybe, you'll see. When the time is right.' She smiles and gives me a peck on my cheek. It's the softest and sweetest kiss I ever experienced but before I know it she has left me.

_Damn she's good!_

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**_I hope you enjoyed it. _**


	4. And then there were none

**A/N: _First of all Happy Newyear! This one is shorter than the others, but I am already working on the next one, so it won't take that long (I hope)._**

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Damn she looks good today, scratch that she looks absolutely stunning! She is wearing a dark faded jeans with no back pockets giving me a great view of her lovely ass and a top which was a bit too short… every time she makes a move I can see a patch of her stomach or back. I want to touch it so badly but I can't plus I am having a hard time not to stare too much at her. I am already caught staring a few times while working this scene with her although she didn't say anything about it. _Maybe she didn't notice or maybe she thinks you're just weird._

Over the weeks I have seen a different side of Sara, I don't know how it happened exactly, but I stopped pretending to hate her and she started to open up to me. She still refuses to go out with me or just have breakfast or whatever… I have asked her a couple of times, but _no_ is the only answer I get. I don't know why but that's Sara, she has her reasons that doesn't mean she is going to share them. My feelings for her have changed too, I'm starting to care more and more for her. I instantly miss her when she's not around me anymore, I crave to hear her laugh and to see a twinkle in her eyes, I like to listen to her I could listen for hours to the sound of her voice, I think she has the most amazing voice I have ever heard.

And she always tells interesting things, I don't know where she keeps getting everything but that woman is a walking encyclopedia. Still every day she learns more, every scene teaches her something she didn't know before and she just stores it in her wonderful mind. Sometimes I catch her staring at me but when I question her about it she acts all evasive so I stopped doing that. Maybe she wasn't really staring, she was just lost in thought and didn't even notice me until I brought her back to reality. I like to watch her when she's in her working/thinking mode, I like it how her eyes narrow and her lips are pressed together, sometimes one of her eyebrows raises a bit and it's like everything around her just disappeared.

We worked a remote scene today and I complained about it several times until she gave me a candy bar to shut me up. When she handed it to me she just smirked and I had to get back at her, so when she asked for a mirror I couldn't help myself. At first she looked shocked but she quickly recovered and faked to be hurt. She is just plain cute when she is taken aback by a comment and her jaw drops to the floor. I'm smiling just remembering it.

'Cath, everything okay?' Now it's my turn to be brought back to reality, I jumped faintly when I heard her voice so close.

'Um…yeah f-f-fine.' I turn to look at her, she is grinning from ear to ear clearly amused by my _flusteredness_.

'Glad you're f-f-fine.' The grin turned into a full-blown smile.

'Sidle you think that's funny?' I advance towards her with the most serious face I can muster but her smile doesn't fade one bit.

'As a matter of fact, yes I do.'

I push her against the door and hold her in place with one hand on her chest, I look her up and down and still pretend to be mad at her 'Figured that and I'm not exactly pleased, now how are you going to make it up?'.

For a split second fear of what's going to happen flickers through her eyes and her smile is gone. 'What did you have in mind?' she asks, her voice a bit too husky. When she hears the tone of her own voice a blush creeps over her cheeks.

'Well, I'm having a party Thursday and you have to come.' It's not a question at all, I'm too afraid that she will turn the offer down if I would just ask her.

'Okay, what time do I have to be there?'

'Oh because you think you can just make fun with me I decided you could come really early and help me get everything in order. So let's see, you have to be there at 1.'

The blush increases and she doesn't look at me when she shyly replies 'Okay, I'll be there.'. She actually sounded relieved. _What did she think I was going to make her do?_


	5. Party time

**A/N: _I'm in a creative mood, I'm working on 3 texts at the same time and I thought let's update this one too... So here it is, hope you still enjoy it. Let me know! _**

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It's a quarter to one when I open my door to reveal a mesmerizing Sara, she's wearing a black leather pants and a tight white tank top. She's smiling, nevertheless I can see she's rather nervous. Somehow she's not sure if helping me with this party is all I'm going to let her do. I return her smile and let her enter.

'Sit down, you want coffee?' I ask her trying to make her feel more at ease. She walks over to the couch and sits down, but shakes her head no. 'Well, I'm going to grab a cup. Be back in a few.'

I walk to my kitchen and leave her alone in my living room. I watch her for a couple of moments and see her 'investigating' my house, it's the first time she's here and she's looking for things to learn more about me. She's more at ease, because she stands up and walks over to the shelves with my movies. She's going through them, seeing that most movies are Lindsey's then she notices some pictures of me and Lindsey, she picks them up one by one to get a better look.

I make myself a cup of coffee and return to her, she's still watching the pictures, the one in her hand is of a much younger me dressed in a revealing dress. It was taken when I was still a dancer and Eddy was invited to an opening party of one of the new clubs on the Strip. We had a great time that evening, well I had a great time. I knew a lot of people there and was talking and laughing quite a lot, Eddy was no where to be seen but I didn't mind at the time.

She is studying my picture rather thoroughly 'See something you like?' She puts the picture back down and turns a couple shades of red, _busted! _She doesn't turn around immediately but tries to collect herself first. Then she turns towards me and the blush is almost completely gone.

She looks at me with a scrutinizing gaze, my body flushes from her intense stare. She's watching me with a hungry look, it feels like I'm standing on a stage again, I like the way she looks at me. She locks eyes with me and shakes her head somewhat 'No, but now… I do.' I almost faint from the sensation her gaze combined with the husky tone of her voice is giving me, a sharp intake of breath can be heard.

I close my eyes and when I open them again she's standing in front of me, I'm a bit startled. She puts her hands on my waist and I feel the heath of her touch almost burn through my clothes. Again we find ourselves in this position and again I don't dare to make a move, I'm too afraid of making the wrong one, too afraid that I'm misinterpreting the entire situation. She brings her mouth to my ear and whispers 'Thought you were used to getting these kind of compliments, maybe I should be more careful the next time… Otherwise one of these days you'll faint when I just look at you.'

She knows damn well what she's doing to me and she knows damn well how to make it even harder for me. Although I want to reply something so badly, she has made sure I'm unable to utter one syllable. She smirks at me and her eyes have a devilish glint, she steps back a bit but doesn't let go of me. 'So what did you need me for?'

_I just need you!_ I hear my brain shout but instead I say 'We have to make appetizers and move the furniture so we can dance a bit.' My voice sounds much higher than it should and it also lacks strength and firmness. The effect she's having on me is not worn off completely I believe. She lets go of me and walks into my kitchen, when I don't follow her she turns and says 'Well are you coming or do I have to do everything by myself?'

A big fat smirk is plastered on her face and when she disappears in the kitchen I hear her laugh. _How am I going to be the one in control, when she has that effect on me?_

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	6. Crash & Burn

**A/N: _Hope it didn't take too long... I just finished writing it, so ENJOY!_ **

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Up until now my life has been just peachy: things with Sara haven't evolved one bit since she showed an interest in that jerk Hank, Eddy has been murdered and his crime is unsolved, Grissom chose Sara's side and gave me a hard time about how I'm treating her and about how we are supposed to be a team. I can't really blame him because he's right, Sara did everything in her power to find Eddy's murderer but there was just not enough evidence.

I have forgiven Sara some days ago and she knows, but I hurt her pretty badly because she has been avoiding me, she doesn't talk to me like we used to do anymore either. I can't blame her, sometimes I'm a real bitch and I believe I have pushed her too far away. It'll cost time to win her trust again, nevertheless I'm more than willing to do whatever it takes. Of course when we work together, we work in perfect harmony.

That's just what we have been doing for 2 shifts in a row now, we are pulling a double trying to solve a strange crime. Somehow Hank was part of the casualties after the crash. He was with a woman, I have a bad feeling about this. So does Sara but she's trying hard not to let anyone notice this. I don't even attempt to talk to her about it, I just know she won't tell me anything.

Told you something was wrong, looks like Hank has a girlfriend and forgot to mention that to Sara, after working long and hard we can finally go home! We walk out of the interrogation room and that bastard is standing there, he has some nerve to show up here, I wonder if he realizes CSI are allowed to carry a gun. Because my first reaction is to threaten him with it, no one hurts Sara! Well except me! I calm down a bit and walk out to the car, giving him a death glare, giving Sara the opportunity to talk to him or to punch him in the face, whatever feels best for her.

When she walks out I see how devastated she is, I know that feeling all too well. Eddy had been a lying and cheating bastard for the largest part of our relationship. She steps into the car and I ask her if she would like to grab a beer or something.

'Drive.' She simply replies and my heart skips a beat. I look at her one more time and start the engine, driving us somewhere... I'm not sure where exactly.

I'm contemplating where we should go, I thought about taking her home with me but I'm afraid of what Sara might think of that gesture, in the worst case scenario she'll think I'm going to take advantage of her when she has drunk a couple of beers. No home is not a good idea, I remember this bar where it's usually not too busy certainly not at this hour.

The entire drive has been silent, Sara has been looking through the window while humming along with the songs on the radio. When the car is parked, she walks out and waits for me to join her. For the first time I can make out her face, I thought she had been crying but she hasn't. Her face doesn't show any sign of the hurt and sadness that were there earlier. In fact she seems to be relieved. Strange…

We walk in and I guide us to a secluded booth, it's also smaller than the other booths which means Sara has to sit directly next to me and we will be sitting close. I order us two beers and she drinks it almost completely in one gulp. She puts her hand on my thigh and makes small circles with her fingers, the sensation is turning me on although my body flushes I attempt to act like I don't notice this.

The fingers of her other hand gracefully hold the beer bottle, while her thumb lightly runs over the rim of it. I'm watching her long elegant fingers, trying hard not to pay attention to the hand on my thigh. It's futile, if she keeps moving her hand I'm going to melt from the heat it's spreading through my body. Sara is watching me closely, she sees how hard I'm fighting the feelings I'm having and she knows what she's doing to me.

Then all of a sudden her hand stops but it stays in its position, she looks at me quizzically and asks 'Why didn't you take me home with you?'

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	7. Joy ride

**A/N: _Is Catherine getting anywhere with Sara? Read and find out!_**

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'Catherine, what does that look like?' Sara's sultry voice penetrates my busy mind and I walk over to her.

'It looks like a sticky substance, like glue or something.' She looks at me clearly expecting me to say that because she's thinking the same.

'Yeah I thought so too.' She swabs the victim's neck where the substance is located. She puts it in her kit and straightens herself 'Hopefully Hodges can tell us more.'

The victim's name is Richard Bukin, he's only 18 years old and he was found, in the back of the store where he worked, by his boss. According to him Rickie was a good kid, he's in college and a hard worker and a straight A-student. He didn't really have to work, because he had a full scholarship but he thought he could use the responsibility. So far we have little evidence and no witnesses, TOD is 4 hours so Rickie was killed right after locking the store.

We head back to the car, we get in and I start the engine. We pull out of the parking lot and Sara is putting on some music. I keep my gaze on the road but I feel Sara staring at me occasionally. When we are halfway I had enough with her staring, not that I mind not at all but I decide to tease her a bit.

I wait until her gaze is fixed on me again, luckily for me she stares at me when I have to stop at a traffic light. I turn my head in her direction slowly, she notices my change and quickly looks the other way. I smirk but remain silent, I look ahead of me again and she immediately looks back at me. This time I look at her quickly and I catch her staring, she blushes. I smirk at her and say 'Is there something wrong with my cheek?'

'Huh?' a befuddled Sara replies.

'Well, you keep looking at it so I suppose something must be wrong with it.' her blush intensifies and she turns her gaze to her hands which are instantly very interesting.

'Nothing's wrong.' She mutters almost indecipherable.

But I don't give up that easily 'What was that?' I'm grinning, this is so much fun…

She turns her head slowly back at me and I notice a slight change in her eyes, she's still blushing but it has lessened and her composure is back 'You are a very beautiful woman and I like to watch you.' She says her voice huskier than ever, I gulp audibly. Sara Sidle is back in the game and she knocked me down with an enormous force. 'I was trying to figure out what kind of expressions you make when you're climaxing.'

Damn that woman! For a moment I was so sure I was teasing her, but only mere minutes later she proofs me I'm still not getting my fun. I'm staring at her with my mouth agape, she's smirking and looks ahead of her. 'You know when it's green… you're supposed to drive.'

I won't let her win this easily, it takes me a moment but I composed myself. 'Sorry, was too busy watching this beautiful, mesmerizing brunette with the cutest gap between her teeth.' Oh yeah, that one won me a lot of points. I know she hates that gap but it's really cute and I like it. It's one of her best features. I put the car in gear and the car starts to move again. 'Besides if you want to know what faces I make in my best moments, you should … fuck me senseless.'

Her whole body is flushed and she doesn't look at me, I'm smiling at myself I think I finally won!

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_**Thanks for reading! Catherine is finally starting to win some battles, will she win her heart too... **_


	8. Who am I?

**A/N: _I know it's been a really long time since I updated this one. But I was having a writer's block for this text, I just finished another chapter and I hope you like it. Enjoy! Oh, it's slightly different than the previous ones. _**

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I'm being pushed on a bed not too gently, a hand traces my body but it doesn't feel right. I close my eyes and imagine someone else touching me. Someone I know I'll never have… while he thrusts himself in me I think of her instead. I only feel her fingers inside of me and her warm breath on my skin, it's her tongue that's dueling with mine for control. I'm so far gone in this little fantasy I smell her and hear her voice. I hear her moaning and saying my name in pure ecstasy. I smile to myself, totally happy to be made hers until I reach my climax and the fantasy bursts like a balloon that came into contact with a needle.

I feel a chest to flat and broad to be hers, I smell a sour whiff of sweat to heavy to be a woman's, I feel rough hands grabbing my arms they're nothing like her soft and slender fingers. He collapses on top of me and I feel him still inside me, I feel him losing his hardness and the sensation within me makes me nauseous. So I push him off me rather forcefully but he doesn't comment on it, I retreat myself in the bathroom and lock the door. My head is spinning and I feel like falling, no matter how hard I try I can't get my fantasy back and now I feel him on me, in me, all over me. I fall to my knees unable to keep the vile feeling that was rising in my stomach inside, I let it all out. I vomit until my throat in sore and my body is weak.

He knocks on the door and asks me if I'm alright with too much concern in his voice. It makes me throw up again. I tell him I'm sick all of a sudden and I also tell him it's better if he went home. He tries to argue with me that he should stay and take care of me, but I convince him to go. When he's gone, I instantly feel better. I walk to the kitchen and grab a bottle of whisky from the cupboard, I pour myself a double and drain it in one big gulp not caring about the burning pain it causes to my lips, tongue and throat. The burning doesn't stop until the liquid enters my stomach. I collapse in my coach and cry. _Why do I keep doing this?_ I had a tough shift and like always I use sex to calm me down, to help me unwind. Since a couple of weeks I'm seeing a new man, Chris is his name. I met him at the worst possible timing, I had had a fight with Sara and she was acting cold towards me ever since. Also she has been developing a crush for Grissom and it was clear I could never compete with him. Chris made me feel special and so we dated, date is actually a lie. From the moment we met, we ended up in a hotel room not to sleep.

A couple days later I learned Sara didn't have a crush on Grissom, she only acted like she had to feel like she belonged somewhere. To feel like she was normal. Ever since my relationship with Chris has gone downhill. I can't bare him touch me or kiss me, I can't bare to feel him inside of me and still I keep seeing him and keep having sex with him. I glance at the clock on my VCR, it's 6 o'clock in the morning. In less than an hour I will have to wake my sleeping daughter and get her ready for school. I'm feeling miserable, she doesn't even like Chris and still I let him use me.

Unconsciously I grab my phone and dial a number I know by heart, I count the tones until I hear the one person I really need right now.

'Sara, it's me.' I pause not knowing how to continue 'I… I really need to talk to you right now, is that okay?'

_'Sure Cath, everything alright?'_

'Yeah, don't worry.' Tears begin to fall from my eyes again and I break down 'No, it's not. I did something stupid…'

_'I'll be there in ten, hang on okay.' _With that she closes her phone, I know she was working but still she decided to come here because I need her. It makes me a little happier…

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_**Thanks for reading! We are at the end of season 4 now, with Catherine dating that jerk... But she hasn't forgotten her mission.**_


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